What not to do at a wedding

[[Parthenon Metope 27]]

This slab once decorated the south side of the Parthenon on the Athenian Acropolis. It now lives in the British Museum, Lord Elgin having removed them (his permission to do so is disputed) during the early 19th century.

The metope (some pronounce it 'met - ohpe', but others say 'met - oh - pee') is carved in deep relief, giving the impression that the figures are almost floating in front of the slab. This is enhanced by the figures breaking the frame of the metope - see the human figure slumped, almost as if to fall out of the frame. Of course, after 2000 years or so this artistic virtuosity has meant that details such as the heads, hands and any bronze attachments have broken off.

The story is that of the Lapiths (humans, i.e. civilised Greeks) and the Centaurs (barbarians, i.e. anyone non-Greek, especially the Persians). The Lapiths courteously invited the half-human, half-horse creatures to a wedding. Centaurs, like that uncle everyone has, are partial to a drink or seven. However, hopefully unlike anyone's relatives, they took their misdemeanours to a whole new level. Instead of displaying shameful 'dancing' or shouting out inappropriate gossip, they tried to carry off the bride.

Don't try that at home.

So naturally, it descended into a brawl. The centaurs grabbed the tableware and fought; as you can see from this metope, they were sometimes successful. The Lapiths also won too, and there are examples of triumphant Lapiths with wounded centaurs on other metopes.

Unusually, despite the Athenian society which built the Parthenon naturally favouring the Lapiths, they are not shown winning outright. This gives the impression of a far more dangerous and important struggle - in a society where warfare was common, and foreign threat very real indeed, it is understandable that the sculptors could see themselves losing from time to time, and reflected this in their architecture.

Oh, and as you can see from this example, the fight still isn't over. This must hold the record for longest wedding brawl in the world.